“Everything you take for granted is a blessing. Everything you fear is a friend in disguise. Everything you want is a part of you. Everything you own does not define you. Everything you feel is the only Truth there is to know.
Everything you wish for is already on its way to you. Everything you think creates your life. Everything you seek for you will find. Everything you resist will stick around. Everything you let go of stays if it’s supposed to. Everything you need is right where you are.
Every time you blame another you lose your power. Every time you think you can, you can. Every time you fall you must get up and try again. Every time you cry you’re one tear closer to joy. Every time you ask for forgiveness, all you have to do is forgive yourself.
Everyone you see is your reflection. Everyone you know mirrors you. Everyone wants to be happy. Everyone wants to live in joy. Everyone seeks a higher purpose. Everyone breathes the same breath. Everyone needs love to survive. Everyone has a purpose to fulfill.
Everyone’s the same as everyone else. We just get caught up in labels, names, skin color and religion. Everyone’s the same as everyone else. No one wants to feel the pain. Everyone’s the same as everyone else. Everyone is dying for love to remain.”
Someone will read this later today, possibly me. It is beautiful.
—Lord, make me a channel of thy peace,
that where there is hatred, I may bring love;
that where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness;
that where there is discord, I may bring harmony;
that where there is…
There are unfamiliar boxes in my small home. Pretty home, ugly boxes. They contain the remnants of a life once lived. Almost three years ago I walked out of my marriage, drunk and disorderly, desperate and hopeless. I left in a blaze of self-centeredness, staggering blindly forward, seeking what…
Thank you so much for this. It broke my heart. It is a nice reminder of what will happen if I continue to drink.
Went to my first meeting since May yesterday. It was my old Sunday women’s meeting that I love so much. I had met up with Alice (my old sponsor - or maybe she still is? I don’t know) for brunch on Saturday and she talked me into going. I am really glad I did. It’s weird that I’m 30 and the youngest in the group - but I feel at home there. There is nothing more humbling that being surrounded with older sober women who have been there, done that, and have chosen sobriety on a daily basis - they are the epitome of strength. They have husbands and family that they’ve either lost or come close to losing and they’ve turned their lives around for them and for themselves. I admire that, I want that, and I wish I could be that.
It was nice to laugh and cry at the same time and feel supported. I haven’t been letting anyone support my “recovery” lately (if that is what you want to call it) because I haven’t let anyone in. I’ve been doing this on my own. I just don’t want to let people in because I’m tired of disappointing them. So I’ve been trying to dig deep and find my own way through this. But the truth is, I’m not so sure it will work doing it alone. And truth is, it felt right to be at a meeting yesterday. And I’ll leave it at that. I may go back on Sunday, I may not. Am not putting any more pressure on myself and am really trying to just do as my inner guide tells me.
On another note, I think that I need to make myself a promise to never, ever under ANY circumstances lend money to a family member again - namely, a sibling. I have recently done it twice (have done it MANY other times in the past and we aren’t talking $100 here and there…). And months and months later, excuse after excuse, I haven’t seen a dime back. To me, its not even about the money. I don’t give a shit about the money. It’s the fact that there have been zero attempts to get it back. Even if its like, $20 at a time. I’m feeling used and taken advantage of. And like a complete douche for even thinking that it was a good idea to lend it. Yes, I just referred to myself as a douche. So there is that. Obviously a life lesson for me and me alone. But I’ll save the familial rant for another day…
Currently reading “This is Where I Leave You,” by Jonathan Tropper. HOLY SHIT. Laugh out loud funny. Great read - pick it up.
I have felt like this too many times to count.
I fucking hate this, I hate feeling like shit every time I use. I hate lying to people about it. I hate spending money I don’t have. I hate putting myself in danger. I hate the life I am living right now. I hate that I can’t kick this shit to the curb. I hate that I am too damn proud to…
